Finding Blessings in the impossible Pt. 2

On January 1st, I will be applying for an on-line weight-loss campaign called Mamavation. I followed along during the last campaign and lost 12 pounds but as an official Mamavation Mom there would be perks that would help me better reach my fitness goals. To all my friends on Twitter, please tweet @bookieboo and tell her why I should be the next Mamavation Mom. She's looking for a lot of support for me and I SOOO need to get healthier. I know I can't do it without the support!! My Twitter handle is @ElsklingDyr and you'll need to reference that if you tweet @bookieboo.

To better familiarize you with why I'm doing this and in hopes that it will help another mom in her journey, I would like to share part of my story. For myself, finding a kindred soul in Mamavation Mom, Alyssa Becthold, has already inspired me and given me a boost. Just knowing that someome understands what you've gone through and are going through makes me feel greatly supported.

I was told I might have difficulty getting pregnant due to a hormonal imbalance. At the time I weighed 108 pounds. My mother said I looked like I came from Auschwitz. I started working at Disneyland and that job didn't help any. It was such a fun job but I never sat down and I did nothing but walk for 8-12 hour shifts. My regular off time was 2AM and after work sometimes I'd go for doughnut runs or to Denny's with my friends. I ate the most fattening food I could find and I'd snack on candy bars. My parents said they'd take me to Walt Disney World if I could gain ten pounds. I tried so hard!! At times I got close but being a sickly child I caught everything that went around. Everytime I'd gain some weight I'd get sick and lose it all. I used to be called anorexic by everyone, even though it wasn't true, and remember even one time walking through Disneyland in my Indiana Jones costume and hearing someone say,"Oh my GOSH! Look at HER!" I turned around to look and realized that the girl was pointing at me. It didn't feel good to be scrutinized for being so thin. I don't know that anyone thinks about the opposite side of being obese, ya know? I mean it doesn't matter if you're too fat or too thin people will make fun of you. It hurts just as much when people make fun of you for being too skinny as it does when they make fun of you for being too fat. Make sense? I used to get full quickly so I also got into the habit of eating very fast so that I could finish my whole meal. I would relax my stomach so I'd look thicker instead of keeping my muscles taut. Then I started working at a bank. I went from walking nonstop for 12 hours a day and eating anything I wanted to standing in one place 8 hours a day and still eating anything I wanted. Since I had never done any formal excercise I never thought to start an excercise routine. I got up to 125 and thought I should probably start being careful but didn't really know how and since I'd never had to, it just wasn't a priority. Then I got married! So 30 pounds later and after trying to have children for a year I went to a doctor. She said she could see no reason that it wouldn't happen soon.I started working out at Curves with the idea that I could continue through a pregnancy. We kept trying and just about the time I decided I could be happy and fulfilled even if I never became a mother we took of for NYC for Christmas. I had the BEST time there and it was so relaxing and I was so HAPPY! Weeeellllll, let's just say that if Brody had been born a girl his name would have been Brooklyn. He was born in September and delivery was a nightmare. Pregnancy was the worst thing I have ever experienced. I had early contractions and was given several shots to keep them at bay but had to stop workng out. I was still throwing up after he was born and well, I could go on and on about pregnancy but back to delvery. It wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be......until after. The doctor kept me waiting, fully dilated and ready to go on the table for hours! The baby's head did some damage sitting there for so long and on top of it the doctor performed a 4th degree episiotomy. She wasn't my regular doctor and when my regular doctor did come the next day and saw what she did he kind of freaked. He said there was no reason for her to do that and she didn't document why she had done it either. So, I had a repair surgery that didn't work and a second one that didn't fix me either. While I recovered from delivery and two surgeries I wasn't allowed to excercise so it took me a long time to lose the baby weight. Almost as soon as I'd done it and was set to rid myself of 30 more I got pregnant again. Because of the complications with Brody I was required to have a c-section. They said if I didn't, there would be no way to fix me again and since I wasn't fixed completely from the first time, well, obviously.............I'd be WAY worse off than I am now! So hoping for an easier pregnancy was just a hope. Rhys was transverse and so painful to carry because of his position. I lost his twin but because he was horizontal in my tummy I looked HUGE and people kept saying, "Are you sure it isn't twins?" not knowing I had lost one. Very hard! When Rhys was born I realized how much of a blessing the delivery complications with Brody were. Had it not been for that I might not have Rhys. The cord was wrapped around his neck three times and twice around his leg. Not being born c-section would have killed him or severly damaged his brain. During my pregnancy with him we were living with my sister because we were remodeling our house, which meant tearing it down! After Rhys was born I moved with the boys to my parents house over 100 miles from my home. My husband had to stay at home because of work so for the first five months of Rhys' life we only saw him on the weekends. Amidst all this we got a restraining order against our next door neighbors for threatening us and stalking. So it was an extremely stressful time and very hard to lose the weight. Rhys is two and I have lost the baby weight but can't seem to get rid of the excess 30 pounds. I have health problems that have made it difficult to workout, as well. Condritis, Sciatica, Sacroiliitis, Asthma, Fibromyalgia......and now for the past year I have been having convulsions after passing out and dizzy spells. I grew up passing out so that's no big deal but the convulsions are getting worse when I wake up. The last time I passed out during a blood donation, I didn't remember my family or where I was. I didn't know I was married or that I had kids and that WAS scary when I remembered it later. The dizziness has kept me from certain activities and I've fallen a couple of times. I have blind spots and migraine headaches, nausea.....let's just say a lot to work through! I have had an MRI and I'm waiting on some more tests. So while I don't know what's wrong with me yet, I know that I don't need to feel this lousy. I don't remember a day without physical pain of some kind and the neurologist was right when he guessed that I don't remember the last time I felt good. I'm on Cymbalta for depression...any surprise???

I'm ready to get healthier and feel better!!! I realize it's time to reach out for help. So I tell part of my story, not to have a pity party but to have the support of those who will love me even though I'm messed up!! Those who won't let me feel sorry for myself but will lift me up!!

God bless you and thanks for listening to what I felt it was time to share!!

Merry Christmas from our family to yours!

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Say thanks to our military for their their service!!

Finding blessings in the impossible: Part 1

A couple of weeks ago my husband went missing. He's found and fine and lucky I didn't kill him. Once a month He teaches a phlebotomy class out of town. Usually, we all go and stay with family. This time I stayed home with the baby who was sick with a fever of 104. I was very sad not to be going. For one thing, I love staying with my in-laws! They are fabulous! For another, we were to attend a going away party for my closest friend who was moving completely across the country. My husband went to the party and left Brody with his parents. His mom told him, "Stay out as late as you want." Meanwhile, I expect a good night call before bed when we are apart from each other. At about 1:30 AM I checked the time and figured the party must be swinging along and I'd call him at 2AM. I was only a little concerned that he might be out too late since he had to be up early the next morning to teach. He never goes to bed past midnight when he's going to teach! Shortly after I checked the time I got a call from his mom wondering if I had heard from him. She tried calling but his cell phone went straight to voicemail. Also not weird because his battery doesn't usually last a full day. I told her I would check in with him at the party. I tried his phone first just in case but, of course, no answer. So I called my friend's phone. Imagine my surprise when I found out Dave had left the party at around 10PM and I woke my friend up with my call. We'll skip ahead a few hours. Filling out missing persons is NOT easy. So many questions you never thought you'd be asked unless someone is dead. Any scars? Dentist's phone number? Recent photo? Any enemies? Did you fight? Any friends in the area? Six people out in the middle of the night looking for my husband. He called at around 4AM. My first instinct after I knew he was okay was NOT to be thankful but to think, "He better have a really good reason for this." It wasn't. He had gone to a co-workers house to play video games. My anger didn't last very long. I had to realize that his safety was what I had been praying for over the past 3 hours. Now that I had the answer I wanted I was mad about it. I really needed to be thankful that he was safe. In the end I am actually grateful to Dave. For the first time, in a crisis, I remembered to turn to God. He kept me calm, focused and strong. A year ago I would have said a quick, "Please let him be okay." but not this time. I have learned so much this past year and been through many trials that have not only made me stronger but have realy developed my relationship with God. It's an amazing feeling! Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him". Dave didn't really do anything wrong having been allowed to not worry about rushing home to take care of Brody. But he should have called and paid more attention to the time since he was out so late. He learned something. Especially how much he is loved! I learned that there is no better place to turn than to God, who is ever reliable and faithful! I tell this story not to embarass or badmouth Dave but to show that out of awful circumstances we can all learn something. Especially me! And I have more peace than I've had before.