Last week was a week of firsts. The first time Brody ever put food in his ear, the first time he put wadded up paper in his nose, the first time he used the toilet. Rhys didn't try to crawl off the bed for the first time. Even Davey had a first. It was the first "first" he's ever seen. Being the breadwinner has kept him from witnessing all of our children's firsts. But he was there for the first toilet trip. It's sad to me that he's missed so much but I guess most fathers do. He adores his boys and they adore him. It feels good to see them get so excited when he gets home from work. Brody did the "happy flappy" when he was a baby, flapping his little arms like a bird in flight as fast as he could, whenever he was happy or excited. Why can't we do the things we did when we were children? I mean if I did the happy flappy when I met someone at Disneyland what would people think? Can you picture it? Rhys does the "happy clappy". But the happy clappy isn't a regular clap. He puts his hands parallel to each other horizontally and then slaps the backs of his hands alternating between the two as though he's playing that hand layering game. You know the one I mean where one person puts his hand down and everyone else follows suit. When all of the hands have been layered the hand on the bottom is pulled out and laid on the top of the pile. And everyone does that as fast as they can. Well, that's Rhys. A one man game. He goes it alone; he flys solo; he does his own thing. Very independent and very much like his momma. The thing is you have to know your limits and your boundaries. I know my boundaries but not my limits. At times I underestimate them and at times I overestimate them. Davey and I set the boundaries for our boys but I don't want their limits to be set by my fears. I want them to learn their own limits. I wanted my son to know that he is capable of doing a somersault. I know my physical limits but I ignored them and went for it. It's a good thing I decided to try it after he went to bed just in case I killed myself. Rhys learned, somehow, that you shouldn't crawl off the edge of the bed. He has never fallen off so what does he realize now that he didn't last week? However babies figure it out they learn that boundary. But he has not learned his limits. He'll turn around and sit with his back to the edge. Then I have to catch him when he leans back too far. Yep, he's his momma's boy. Good thing I have God to catch me when I lean back too far. Him and Davey. Even though I'm not what you'd call a crowd follower I still need others. The problem is that even in that area I'm still learning the limits. Either I love too much or not enough. In matters of the heart I never did do anything half-way. It's all or nothing. So I'm either perceived as needy or the ice princess. That is what makes Davey perfect for me. When I met him my walls were just beginning to come down thanks to my close friend, Brian and his roommate Chris. The walls almost immediately crumbled with Davey but stayed up for most others. He understands that about me and loves me anyway. Anyone else would be confused by my personality but Love has way of overcoming or overlooking our faults. With Davey and my handful of friends I am needy. I hope they love me anyway because I sure do love them.
By the way, if you haven't done a somersault in about twenty years it really hurts your back. Believe me I know.
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